Friday, August 31, 2007

Things Henry Says

Henry is a king of unintentional comedy. Observe these gems:
  1. He's trying to run me around the merryberry bush. (what?)
  2. (After thinking for a few minutes about how a rat could have eaten his Fig Newtons) He must be in here. (in here = in the room where his Fig Newtons were sitting on the floor)
  3. (singing) It's a lover's question, I'd like to know. Does she loves me when.....does she loves me......I forget the words.....hold on....does she loves me.........Lou Rawls. You ever listen to Lou Rawls?


Friday, August 24, 2007

Very Movie-like

I dropped her off at the airport on Wednesday morning.

It was very dramatic.

I wanted to give her a shirt of mine that she could wear around when she missed me, but in all the sadness, I forgot to actually give it to her when she got out of the car.

We said our goodbyes, and I drove off.

Suddenly I remembered the shirt on my back seat and raced around the circle so I could back to her before she got away from the ticket stand. I pulled up and jumped out of my car without thinking about how I was parked in a no parking zone. I ran in, but she wasn't at the counter...there was no counter. She had bought and printed out her ticket at home. I ran to the security screening area and shouted her name. She was there, handing her ticket to the ID checker.

She heard me.

Quickly, she dropped her bags at the guards feet and stooped under the black belts that make up the temporary barriers as she made her way back to me.

We hugged one last time as I handed her the shirt.

We said our second set of last goodbyes, and I walked out.

Very movie-like.

Correct me if I'm wrong Sandy,

but if I kill all the golfers, they're gonna lock me up and throw away the key.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Dear God,

Let us rock their faces off.

One of my guitar cases went from merely functional to the coolest case I've ever seen in a few strokes of a paint pen by a beautiful woman and about an hour.

Friday, August 17, 2007

Let's be serious for once

At any given point, I probably have 5-10 unfinished songs banging around my brain, fighting for face time.

Here's the first line of one I wrote on the Metro last summer:

Say goodbye to the sky;
we're going under.

I think it has potential, but there's no reason it shouldn't be longer by now.

My grandfather always says, "Put your hands where your heart is."
Maybe I need to follow his advice.

Priorities, priorities.

Thursday, August 16, 2007

On an unrelated note:

My coworker's desk is up on blocks...

My guess is somebody stole his wheels.

There would be much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Never use the phrase, "I'm not a racist, but..."

Good things do not follow.

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

I was browsing Wikipedia today...

I've decided to keep a regular short column on the site called "I was browsing Wikipedia today..."

Each update will start with, "I was browsing Wikipedia today..." and they'll continue with something like, "and I discovered that Carl Sagan was among the first to hypothesize that Saturn's moon Titan and Jupiter's moon Europa may possess oceans, a subsurface ocean, as in the case of Europa, or lakes, thus making the hypothesized water ocean on Europa potentially habitable for life."

Pray to God that it won't be nearly that boring.......

Now, if I haven't lost my readers by now, I'd like to present you with the first of many installments of "I was browsing Wikipedia today..."

I was browsing Wikipedia today and it turns out that Corey Feldman is, in fact, not dead.

Not only is he not dead, but he's mounting a comeback using the only method a washed-up has-been should...reality TV. In what we can only hope to be a very short-lived venture, Corey Feldman and Cory Haim want to waste 22 minutes of your time once a week with the crazy antics of middle-aged men starving for attention. I'll spare you the details of the show, so as to avoid the inevitable dry heaves and cold sweats.

The Goonies = Awesome
The Two Coreys = Not Awesome

Alas, poor Clark "Mouth" Devereaux, we hardly knew you. You will be missed.